Nightmare #5

To the tune of "Mambo No. 5" (With Apologies to Lou Bega)
Filked by Bogan

Star Lady goes to bed
What she dreams about fills her full of dread
All the writers she would like to sue
Turn into
One giant author named Yu-No Hu

He says, don't gimme that look
I'll show you what I've got in my next book
I like to delete, forget about, just ignore
Things in novels that came before

You thought Luke was strong until Kyp came along
You thought Han was best 'til Dash proved him wrong
I'm all through with Leia too
Replaced by a girl named Mari Su

Another superweapon's what we need
Or maybe we want two to get to speed
Kyp will blow up worlds and then reform
And get his old room back at the Jedi dorm
Now I'll make the Empire dumb as rocks
Easy for my heroes to outfox
The Emperor's new clone will have some fun
And lead Luke to the Dark Side 'fore he's done

(Mos Eisley cantina band performs protracted instrumental riff)

Now, Luke's awhirl 'cause he's got a new girl
She'll make his toes curl 'til you really want to hurl
She's got two-color eyes and powerful thighs
And she'll cut Mara Jade down to size
And she's a living program in a crate
So Luke'll never have sex, ain't that great?

No established personality
Will stand between the characters and me
Luke will be a Master, Chapter One
Then he'll start to whine before he's done
I think that I'll put Mara in her tomb
Once my little spores destroy her womb
Wedge Antilles fans will be aghast
I'll make him fall in love with Chicken Lass

(Mos Eisley cantina band performs another protracted instrumental riff)

Now the Jedi Knights forget the Force
Guess they need to take another course
Alien invaders can't go wrong
Everybody loves my Ssi-Ruuk Vong
We need another clone of Palpatine
Can't think up anyone who's half as mean
I guess he needs a superweapon, too
To make him more original for you

Oh, look, my book
It's like the burgers that I cook
Dipped in a vat, cooked in fat
And would you like some fries with that?

(Mos Eisley cantina band performs final instrumental riff)

POSTED 08.23.2005 / KEYWORDS: Bogan