To the tune of “1985” by Bowling for Soup
Filked by Grand Admiral Sean

She thought she’d heard it all
‘till one day at the mall
The rumors of the day
She heard some fanboys say!
Big changes are in store
To what we knew before!
Luke cuts his own hand…
CG Cantina Band!
Now there’s a Gungan princess
Who escapes the ol’ Death Star.
Some sleazebag’s pushing death sticks
In the back of Wuher’s bar!
Those yellow Naboo ships
Are nowhere near as hip
As X-Wings in a fight…
No nothing… has seemed… quite right…

Since Leia, Chewbacca,
No Captain Panaka!
When nerf-herders were scruffy,
And wolfmen lived in Mos Eisley!
Those darn kids in grade school
They think that Jar Jar’s so cool…
She’s gonna have to stick
To Classic…
Classic…
Classic Four to Six!

Classic Four to Six

The Classics are so classic!
Love to quote the lines…
“Bad feeling…” ”Do or do not”
Even “No, that’s not true!”
That Lando, he’s the man!
Not a big Ric Olie fan.
Just wants to wash her hands
Of those midichlorians!
Why now does Vader
Not think Luke’s his son?
Despite big clues like
Luke’s last name and Obi Wan?
And why is Qui-Gon
Now Obi’s Master?
Whatever happened to…
“Yoda…
The Jedi…
Who instructed me?”

Leia, Chewbacca,
No Captain Panaka!
When nerf-herders were scruffy,
And Wolfmen lived in Mos Eisley!
Those darn kids in grade school
They think that Jar Jar’s so cool…
She’s gonna have to stick
To Classic…
Classic…
Classic Four to Six!

What’s with George?
Make him stop!
When did Lapti Nek become Jedi Rock?
And why would Solo
Let Greedo shoot first?
Please make this…
Stop…
Stop…
Stop!

And bring back Leia, Chewbacca,
No Captain Panaka!
When nerf-herders were scruffy,
And Wolfmen lived in Mos Eisley!
Those darn kids in grade school
They think that Jar Jar’s so cool…
She’s gonna have to stick
Classic Four to Six!

Princess Leia, Chewbacca,
No Captain Panaka!
When nerf-herders were scruffy,
And Wolfmen lived in Mos Eisley!
Those darn kids in grade school
They think that Jar Jar’s so cool…
She’s gonna have to stick
To Classic…
Classic…
Classic Four to Six!