To the tune of "Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer"
Filked by PG

Performed by Xander if he were to cross through the 4th Wall:

Buffy had a shagfest with a vampire
Walkin' home from the shop late one eve.
You can say there's no such thing as tough love,
But as for me and Anya, we believe.

She'd been havin' too much hardship,
And we'd begged her, "Keep it light."
But she'd needed satisfaction,
So she stumbled out the door into a fight.

When she woke up the next mornin',
At the scene of the attack.
There were love bites on her forehead,
And incriminatin' teeth marks on her back.

Refrain: Buffy had a shagfest with a vampire
Walking home from the shop late one eve.
You can say there's no such thing as tough love,
But as for me and Anya, we believe.

Now were all so proud of Angel,
He's been takin' this so well.
See him out there teasin' Cordie,
Drinkin' blood and tradin' jabs with my lost Belle.

It's not Real: this new Buffy.
All the Scoobies must be on crack.
And we just can't help but wonder:
Should we tell her this is hell, and send her back?

Refrain: Buffy had a shagfest with a vampire
Walking home from the shop late one eve.
You can say there's no such thing as tough love,
But as for me and Anya, we believe.

While the chip is more than able,
All that singing made us ill.
And then Giles and Tara left us.
That Joss Whedon's given more than Buffy's fill.

I've warned both our friends and demons.
"Better say all your prayers."
We now plan to give some condoms
To a man who drives a stake and plays with slayers.

Refrain: Buffy had a shagfest with a vampire
Walking home from the shop late one eve.
You can say there's no such thing as tough love,
But as for me and Anya, we believe.