The Author's Lament

To the tune of "The Streets of Laredo" (aka "The Cowboy's Lament") -Traditional
Filked by Bogan

As I walked out on the pathways of Gen Con,
As the dealer's room smell made me anxious to flee,
I encountered a man all dressed up in black cotton;
He autographed books and said these words to me:

"I see by your goatee that you are an author.
"I see by your pallor that you are a fan.
"I see by your implant you're working for Lucas.
"You're writing of Luke and of Leia and Han.

"I once wrote of the farmboy who saved the Alliance.
"I wrote of the redhead who captured his heart.
"I wrote of the Jedi and told of the X-wings.
"My words gave the book line its glorious start.

"But dangers await in the sandbox of Lucas.
"Ignore all the claims of authorial ease.
"Don't cook up your stories as though they were burgers.
"Your books will infuriate rather than please.

"Don't repeat lines that you heard in the movies.
"Don't make villains so dumb that they cause us to cringe.
"Don't break down the Falcon or make a new Death Star.
"Don't anger the Star Ladies; they'll take revenge.


"As for me, I was through with that galaxy distant.
"I sat back and I'd watch and I'd read and I'd pray
"That the characters born in my stories and novels
"Remained true to themselves in the GFFA.

"I knew you could find me on shelves of the bookstores;
"I'd write about worlds that don't feature the Vong,
"And nevermore play in the sandbox of Lucas...
"But then a new contract just happened along.

(Chorus, Modified)
"I'll write of the farmboy who saved the Alliance.
"I'll write of the redhead who captured his heart.
"I'll write of the Jedi and tell of the X-wings.
"And give a new book line its glorious start."

POSTED 08.23.2005 / KEYWORDS: Bogan