To the tune of the same name by Sheryl Crow
Filked by David Reese

Well, all I wanna do is learn to be a flyin' Jedi,
Whines this kid next to me, from outta nowhere,
He said his name was Luke, but I know it's really Lucas,
or George, or Billy or Mac or Buddy,
And he's - plain silly to me,
And I bet he's never used the Force a single day in his whole life,

Well now, all the aliens are in this cantina in Mos Eisley,
A wretched hive of scum and villainy, (we must be cautious!)
And, damn if this kid don't pick a fight with the meanest mamma-jamma,
That this old Jedi Knight has ever seen,
And I-I ask this fella if I can maybe buy him somethin'
But he jumps me and my lightsaber beats his gun
Cuttin' off his bent fingers as he's blowin' and cursin'
I collect my wannabe padawan and we just leave,

CHORUS:
All I wanna do is is help someone,
But I got this feelin' my trouble's just begun,
All I wanna do is help somone,
Before the Death Star co-mmences pri-mary ig-ni-tion!

Well we hired us a tramp freighter, and we take a little trip,
Pilot sez it's the fastest thing around,
So we barely outrun a pair of Mark One Star Destroyers,
Who try to stop us just as we were blowin' town,
And then it hits me, I feel a great disturbance,
Oh, it's just the kid and his remote...

CHORUS:
All I wanna do is help someone,
But I got this feelin' that Alderaan's been done,
All I wanna do is help someone,
Before the Death Star finds our secret base and fires again,

So now we're on the Death Star, and we rescue Princess Leia,
(who's Luke's sister, but he don't know that yet...)
And he's spendin' half the movie tryin' to hit on her,
Which is really makin' me quite upset...
So I-I find the reactor
And Darth Vader, and I make the ultimate sacrifice,

CHORUS:
All I wanna do is help someone,
But I got this feelin' that I am now undone,
All I wanna do is help someone,
Before I disappear in a cheap FX cloud of white smoke,

CHORUS: (for the wind-up and out...)
All I wanna do is not quite die,
After all, someone's gotta help Luke fly,
All I wanna do, is glow and shine,
Like the sun comes up on Tatooine in summertime!