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"The Language of Leaving"
By Jaded 
(opheliadrowning@hotmail.com
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Feedback: 
  Yes, please send it if you liked it!
Rating: PG
Summary:  Another trip to Yavin IV leaves Mara Jade 
unsatisfied.  But before she leaves, she and Luke have a 
farewell talk about many things, some said and some 
unspoken.

AUTHOR'S NOTE: This is my first Star Wars story--hope you 
like it.  

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Mara picked up the belt and looped it snugly around her 
waist.  Straightening herself up, it slid down and hugged  
her hips.  Then twisting around, she bent and hefted a 
black pack over her  shoulder.  It was time to go again.

Giving the room little more than one last glance, she 
shut the door with the heel of her boot and sauntered 
down the hallway to the Jade's Fire.  It was early 
morning and many of the students at the Jedi Academy were 
either still asleep or getting prepared for the day.  She 
decided it would be best to make an early exit and avoid 
the half-hearted good-byes and the formalities that 
seemed to come with leaving.  She had no intention on 
wasting anymore time.

Almost to her ship, she suddenly skidded to a halt.  
Staring blankly at first, she shook her head and cleared 
her mind.  How stupid of me, she thought as she gave a 
turned impatiently to return to her room.  

The room was bathed in a warm morning sunrise, but 
remained mostly dark.  She walked matter-of-factly over 
to the bed and throwing the pack on top of the unmade 
sheets, she dropped to her knees and reached under the 
bed, her hand feeling for something.  She smiled lightly 
as the cool feeling of the lightsaber's metal slid into 
her hand.  She pulled it out from underneath the bed and 
gave it a hard stare.  Mara turned it over in her hand 
and looked at it as if it were the first time she had 
ever held the weapon.  This was once Vader's, she 
thought, and now-- now a gift from Luke Skywalker, to 
her, Mara Jade, the once powerful Emperor's Hand. 

Memories and lives long gone fading into the backdrop 
like starlines, she thought, pulling herself up and 
dusting up her jumpsuit.  Things left light-years behind.  
As she stood she tensed, her hand tightening around the 
lightsaber, but searching around quickly with the force 
she just as quickly relaxed and did a quarter turn to 
face a corner where a blue-eyed farmboy sat quietly, 
watching her calmly.

"New hobby or were you trying to scare me?" she said, lip 
curled in curiosity.

"Just admiring the view," Luke returned just as slyly.  

Mara stared at him, mouth agape for a moment.  Were Han 
and Lando rubbing off on him, she thought with a shake of 
her head?  "Very charming," she volleyed back, "the view 
I mean."

"Yavin is a beautiful place," he agreed standing up and 
walking over towards her.  "Sometimes I don't think I 
could bear to 
leave."

"So you're wondering why it's so easy for me to leave, 
huh?" Mara replied, finishing off his thought.  He 
nodded.  

She sighed and turned away from him.  "It's not that I 
don't like it here, but really Luke . . . I just came to 
visit--to give you a message."  His passive face 
exasperated her.  "You're not going to convince me to 
stay and train.  I've done that already." She placed her 
hands on her hips.  "Stop looking at me like that, will 
you, Skywalker?  I'm not a Jedi.  Not gonna be.  It's not 
my thing."

"You're so many things, Mara," he said, looking intently 
at her face.  "Maybe in time you'll find that the force 
is a lot more of who you are than you are willing to 
believe right now."

"Well that's then.  Right now though, Skywalker . . ." 
she trailed off, not knowing what to say next.  She 
shifted her feet uncomfortably.

Luke cleared his throat.  "Why did you come here, Mara?"

She eyed him, confused.  "I just told you--to deliver you 
a message."

"But you could just as easily have used a com-link.  We 
may scale back the technology a bit here, but really, 
Mara."

She shrugged.  "I was in the area, and I thought, 'why 
not make nice and see how the galaxy's favorite Jedi 
knight is faring?'  If I had realized that I wasn't 
wanted here, well, I wouldn't have wasted my time."

"Mara . . ." She waved him off dissmissivly  "No, no.  I 
get how it really is."

"You're always wanted here," he pressed.

"Tell me how you really feel," she said, a twinkle 
blazing in her green eyes.

"How 'bout you give me the same courtesy?"

Her lips thinned in a makeshift smile.  "To be honest, 
Luke, I also came here to check on you--and not just for 
Leia."  He lifted one hand and one prosthetic hand up, 
palms out, not understanding.  "You have a tendency to 
take on too much at once.  If nobody's ever told you 
that--well, I'm doing that now."

He smiled sadly at her.  "You don't have to be my keeper, 
Mara."

Her mouth formed a perfect "O" which developed in synch 
with the arching of one eyebrow.  She moved her lips to 
say something, but stopped herself.  Mara let a wry smile 
touch her lips.  Luke blinked slightly, noting in the 
back of his mind how it seemed to light up her face.  
Somehow that thought made him feel even sadder.

"Someone's gotta watch out for you, Skywalker."  She 
rolled her shoulders, felt and heard the pop of air 
between her vertebrae.  She made a move to leave.  "Take 
care, Luke."   Her words seem to falter, and she looked 
down as she said this as though she were really 
addressing her boots. 

He hitched for a second, but recovered remarkably.  
"Don't worry about it, Mara," he said with a hint of a 
grin, "I don't think I'll be crossing over to the dark 
side any time soon."

Her returned laugh sounded stilted--strained.  "You 
better not.  I don't want to have to drop everything and 
haul-ass half-way across the universe to keep you out of 
trouble."

"I promise I won't bring about the destruction of the 
universe without your permission, Captain Jade," he said, 
saluting her.

"Destroy the universe, eh?  Mighty high opinion of 
yourself for a farmboy."  She shook her bright mane of 
reddish-gold.  "Just because a handful of people decide 
to call you 'Master' you let it get toyour head."  She 
clicked her tongue 
at him.

"You're going to be sorely missed, Mara Jade," he smiled 
and at the same time touching her unconsciously on the 
elbow.  She visibly tensed.

"But really, Luke, in all seriousness.  You have this 
annoying habit of taking on too much.  The weight of the 
universe should not have to rest on your shoulders."  She 
shook her head again.  "I've told you this before, but 
you gotta start listening.  Take some time out for 
yourself.  Private time is like the bacta tank for the 
soul, so immerse yourself."   Mara took a step back to 
distance her from him so she could get away, but Luke did 
not seem at accept this move.

"I'll be okay."  He raised and eyebrow.  "Promise."

Mara snorted derisively.  "I'm not just talking about 
Jedi meditation.  Do like every other person in the 
universe does and take a break.  We," she paused, staring 
wonderingly into his clear blue eyes, dreamy and lost as 
she now suddenly felt, "we both," she continued with 
emphasis on the duality of what she was going to say, 
"have a long way to go before we heal."  She placed the 
palm of her hand tentatively on his chest and felt the 
heartbeat there beneath the black of his normal Jedi 
attire.

Then, like a bolt shooting through her she caught a 
glimpse into Luke Skywalker's inner turmoil.  Her eyes 
flickered wild and confused.  If she could have seen then 
she would have noticed that Luke was undergoing the same 
process with her.  Images and emotions flooded and 
revealed themselves like layers of an onion being peeled 
away.  I him she saw faces--Vader, Leia, Han; faces of 
people, men and women she did not know but somehow knew. 

Love lost. Loneliness.  Then she saw herself and drew 
away, startled.  So quick--a split second . . . all of 
that, but she felt as though her brain had suffered flash 
burn.  Luke seemed equally shell-shocked and they stood 
there paralyzed.  Although Luke had seen inside of her, 
Mara kept herself deeply guarded and only time could 
unlock those vaults.

They shot each other matching looks.  They were more 
alike than they would ever care to admit to each other.  

Mara recovered first.  "Yeah, I really gotta go, Luke," 
she said sluggishly, stepping away again.

"I really wish you'd reconsider, Mara."

"Why?" she finally asked.  "There isn't anything here 
anchoring me down.  Honestly, I like my freedom."

"Well I would hope that it wouldn't require chains to 
make you want to stay here, Mara.  I'd hope you'd want to 
stay here one day on your own volition."

"Like I've said before, Luke, I think I've learned what 
I've needed."  She held up her hand to stop him before he 
could further protest.  "But that doesn't mean I won't be 
back.  Luke, I've done this before.  I've left and I've 
returned."  She honored him with one of her most 
devastating smiles; one usually kept in cold storage.  
"I'm like a bad rash.  I keep coming back, and, I have a 
tendency to get under your skin.  That's why I have to 
leave every once in a while."  She shrugged.  "Call me a 
restless spirit."

"I guess I just don't like to see you quit like this and 
then run."

She gaped at him.  "Skywalker!" she cried, balling up her 
fist and rapping him once or twice on the head, "have you 
crashed your X-wing one too many times and finally 
destroyed any common sense you had? Mara Jade does not 
QUIT, and she does NOT, let me reiterate that for you, 
she does NOT run away."

He shrugged.  "People tend to run away when they feel 
uncomfortable or scared."

She snorted.  "Well that proves it.  I'm not running away 
from anything because that would mean that something 
actually scares me, which in itself is a ridiculous 
concept."

"I was wondering that myself," Luke murmured, rubbing the 
spot on his head where Mara had hit him.

Mara coughed uneasily.  Me scared, she thought.  Really, 
me scared of something . . . or someone . . .

"Like I said, I really should go."  Mara made another 
move and closed in on her ship.

"When do you think you'll finally stay?" Luke called, a 
last effort.

Mara thought about the question for a moment and then 
answered him, and herself, satisfactorily.  "When I'm 
given a good reason to strand myself on this moon," she 
said in all earnestly.  With that she gave a last 
appraising glance at the man to whom she had dedicated 
years to destroying.  "When you give me a good reason to 
stay, Luke," she almost whispered.

Luke was mute and could only watch and wave as she 
boarded the Jade's Fire.  

As Mara directed her ship towards her next destination 
she submerged herself in the familiarity of its 
surroundings.  Running away? she thought sourly, please.  
From what?  But her contempt faded and she shook her head 
again, shamefaced.  Yes, scared, she thought, but that 
fear she was leaving back on Yavin, and there it would 
remain until she felt ready to face it, or when it 
was ready to face her.  

Now though, it would have to wait.  *He* would have to 
wait.  One day, no doubt, she would return to where the 
starlines faded like fingerprints and meet her fate.  One 
day.